An experience of Anxiety

Today’s post is going to be a collaboration with, the lovely, Everythinglauren25! On my blog I am going to share an experience of anxiety and on Lauren’s blog, she is going to give you a few tips to help anxiety. I hope you enjoy my first collab!

Three years. That’s how long I have been struggling with anxiety. Throughout these past three years I’ve felt like my childhood has been taken away from me. I’ve gotten quieter within conversations and I have declined leaving my house for the fear of having another panic attack in public.

I’m not going to say I have a fear of people, but what I will say is that I fear what people have the capability to do. You don’t know what a person is thinking. For all you know they could be judging your looks or admiring your hairstyle: you never know.

I know one of the reasons I have anxiety is because I have no control over what is happening in the situation i am in. Not that long back, I was with my friends at the bus station and there was so many people around me that I thought that I was trapped. My heartbeat was literally leaving my chest at how fast it was beating and my breathing was extremely fast, with that I was also shaking. I was looking quickly at everyone around me as if I was a visable ghost and they were all staring at me. I was rubbing my hands, a method I use to calm myself down, I felt like I was being judged. All of this was happening whilst I was standing with my group of friends. I ran. I didn’t want attention, I hate attention. My friends started calling me, I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t breathe.

Its scary. To feel at that moment like you are going to die. You’re gasping for air, petrified that you are going to faint. Your surroundings disappear and your senses barely work. The only way I can get out of a panic attack is by being with one person whom I am close to, who knows what to do and what to say.

I’m not going to lie, putting my anxiety into words was so difficult. Infact, putting your thoughts into words is so hard to do. I’ve decided to write a poem (wow my blog is literally turning into poems and photography now aha!) to give an insight of a panic attack..

Outrageous possiblities flourish my mind’s eye,

Crawling into the crevasses of my nimble bones.

Light’s fading into an intoxicating trance of desperation,

With the air in my lungs, gone with no desire.

“Im in hell. Im gonna die. Someone help me. Please?”

Im screaming those words, can nobody hear me?

Im drowning in air, practically trapped in a nightmare.

The river then calms, the storm dissappears

What’s wrong with me? What’s near?

I hope you liked my post. Please comment below any stories that you have from anxiety. Just remember that you are not alone and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Please don’t forget to check out Lauren’s post here

Love Courtz xx

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